Princess Bride Epilogue

Princess Bride Epilogue

Westley: You know, I’m getting kinda sick of hearing about Humperdink. What is it? I mean do you have Stockholm syndrome or something?

Buttercup: No! I just think, you know… maybe we were too hard on him.

Westley: He killed me!

Buttercup: Yeah, but Fezzik and Inigo got that miracle pill from Max and it all worked out.

Wesley: He killed me!

Buttercup (rolling eyes): But he’s all alone over there. Everyone hates him.

Westley: Wow. Okay, you know what? Go back and keep him company.

Buttercup: Westley…

Westley: What the hell is wrong with you?

Buttercup: I’m just trying to be nice. I mean what if he can’t get untied and he dies in that chair?

Fezzik: I think my horse is getting tired.

Westley [looking annoyed] : I’m sure that someone will find him and untie him.

Inigo: Well, [laughs, painfully] it won’t be Rugen!

Fezzik: You got him? Good for you!

Westley: Well, maybe Yellin then.

Fezzik: While I was wandering around I ran into him. So I went ahead and tore his arms off. I thought it would be a good idea . Was I wrong?

Inigo: You know, I am not feeling so well.

Buttercup: Oh Westley , maybe we should go back!

Westley: No, I’m not going back there. I don’t care if Humperdink dies in that chair.

Buttercup: I should have never left. This is never going to work Those miracle pills wear off.

Westley: What? Who told you that? Did you read that somewhere? [to Inigo] Is that true?

Inigo: I don’t know. I… I’ve lost a lot of blood.

Fezzick: I think my horse is about to die.

At that moment Inigo slumped over dead from loss of blood and fell from his steed. Miracle Max’s pill wore off at that same moment and Westly followed suit. Fezzik’s horse crumbled beneath him and, as he fell, his giant head hit a rock and killed him. Alone, Princess Buttercup returned to Florence where she found Price Humperdink had been untied by his mother. Humperdink killed Buttercup and immediately began revising his plan to frame Gilder.

A Peachy Halloween

I wrote this story years and years ago. I think it has one funny part. It made me laugh when I was younger, but it didn’t quite work for me now…

A Peachy Halloween

Halloween had almost arrived. Tim sat on the kitchen counter looking out the window. He was very sad. He would not be going trick or treating. There would be no costume for him, no candy and no games. Tim was a peach, and peaches did not go out on Halloween.

            That evening Tim heard the Preston children talking about carving the Pumpkin.

“We need to find the perfect pumpkin so we can decorate him!” one said.

“We will put him outside where everyone can see him!” said another.

“The pumpkin is one of the most important parts of Halloween” said the oldest.

            Tim looked himself over. He was orange, very round and had a very good personality. He straightened up as much as he could. “I would make a fine pumpkin,” he said to himself. But no one gave him a second thought, because he was a peach. The family soon left to find the perfect pumpkin. Tim sighed.

            “You want to be a pumpkin, kid?” said a ripe old Cantaloupe. Tim Nodded. The Cantaloupe rolled over to him and said, “You’re in luck. I just happen to have one wish left. I was going to use it to become human again, but I think this is a little more important.  Just leave everything to me.”

            Tim was a little doubtful but he thanked the Cantaloupe just the same. He soon fell asleep dreaming of little boys and girls running from house to house on their candy quests.

            “It’s gorgeous!” said the youngest.

            “It really is the perfect pumpkin!” said the next in line.

            “This pumpkin will make our Halloween perfect!” said the oldest. The Preston family had returned home. All of the children were staring at Tim. He looked down and was amazed to discover he had turned into a beautiful pumpkin!

            The next evening was Halloween. The Preston children were full of laughter and giggles, but no one was happier than Tim. He sat on the front porch with the biggest smile anyone had ever seen.

Zooba Bean

Years ago in college I took a children’s literature class/workshop. I wrote a couple of stories about two ant entrepreneurs named Zooba and Bean.  I liked the idea of  “antrepreneurs”  (who works harder than an ant?) and I envisioned a whole children’s series around them that would teach kids basic business ideas. I submitted one of these stories to a few publishers (it was one of the class assignments) and got positive feedback but never really bothered to follow up. I had a particular idea in mind of how it should be illustrated and wanted to do it myself (I may still try, but I think I may have found the perfect artist). 

Anyway, I registered this domain (zoobabean.com) awhile back with the intention to pursue writing at some point in the future. I think that time may have come. It’s my intent to dig out some of my work from the last few years and publish it online here. I won’t promise you it’s great literature, but I think some of it is unique and entertaining. I have a twisted streak and have been planning to compile some of my work into a book I have entitled Terrible Short Stores for Children. Obviously it wouldn’t really be for children. Well, today’s kids though… maybe. But the Zooba-Bean stories are innocent and actually are written with children in mind.

And so, without further ado:

 

The Zooba Bean

“Bean, I think we’re nearly done.” Said Zooba. Bean nodded his head and replied, “Just think- we’ll be the first ants to ever accomplish something like this!”

They had named their spaceship the “Zooba-Bean” and friends all seemed to agree that it looked just like one. But no one really thought the ship would work.  Willy the worker ant said, “That’s a great looking ship but I don’t think it will take off.” Bean and Zooba replied “We’ll see!”

Zooba and Bean brought chairs and tables into their ship. Donna the digger ant said, “That’s a nice looking ship, but I don’t think you’ll have that many ants in there. Probably just you two!” Bean and Zooba replied “We’ll see!”

Zooba and Bean took huge leaves filled with food into the ship. It was enough food to feed everyone for at least a week. Scoot the scout ant said, “You don’t need that much food! It will go bad long before it can be eaten.” Bean and Zooba replied “We’ll see!”

While Zooba and Bean continued to work, the Queen ant came to visit. “I am very impressed with what the two of you have built, but I’m worried you’re wasting your time. You know that in the human world air travel is impossible without ‘Boom Juice.’ But Boom Juice is dangerous and I could never allow it in the hill.”

Zooba and Bean smiled. “Our Queen,” they said, “We have all the juice we’ll need and none of it is dangerous. We’re not wasting our time! The Queen said, “I don’t see how this ship can do what it’s supposed to do!”  Bean and Zooba replied “You’ll see!”

Zooba and Bean waited in front of the curtain that covered their spaceship. The other ants from the hill were gathered around the covered ship. They were all very curious to know what was going to happen.

Bean said, “Welcome to our grand opening!” Zooba pulled the cover off the ship. A giant sign said, “The Zooba-Bean Space Restaur-ant.” The ants gasped! None of them had thought that the spaceship was going to be a restaurant.

“No wonder you needed all those tables and chairs!” said Donna. “No wonder you needed all that food!” Said Scoot. “I guess you do have all the juice you need!” said the Queen as she held a tall glass of honey nectar. “Maybe this place will take off after all!” said Willy.

 

The Zooba Bean Submarine

Zooba and Bean were regarded as the best ant-repreneurs in the hill. They were already well known for their restaurant and fitness club, so when they announced they were going to build a submarine no one was surprised. When they said they would do it in three days, everyone was surprised.

Zooba and Bean worked behind a very large curtain so no one could see inside, but the other ants stopped by to have a look anyway. Brenda the bridge builder caught up with Zooba and Bean as they were gathering supplies. “That’s quite a project you’ve announced. I think you can do it, but I have a question. You’re building a submarine where there is no water.  How will it work without water?”

Zooba and Bean smiled. “We won’t need as much water as you think!” said Zooba. Brenda scratched her head.

Mary the match maker saw Zooba and Bean in the garden the next day and said, “I’m very excited about your submarine. You don’t really have time to be here in the garden though, do you? You should be working hard on the Submarine!”

Zooba and Bean smiled. “Don’t worry. We’re working on the submarine right now!” said Bean. Mary raised her eyebrows.

The day before the project was to be unveiled the Queen herself came by to have a look. Zooba and Bean came out from behind the curtain to visit with her. The Queen said, “I’ve always been impressed by what you boys have been able to accomplish. I wonder if you’ve bit off more than you can chew this time.

Zooba and Bean laughed. “We’ll see tomorrow!” said Zooba.

The big day arrived. Once more the ants from the hill gathered around a giant curtain. Zooba and Bean stood off to one side. Bean said, “It’s been very hard work, but I think you’ll all agree the results speak for themselves!” With that the curtain fell.

The ants gasped! Before them was a giant Submarine s-ant-wich! It was big enough for everyone to share. A beautiful bread roll was piled high with fresh lettuce, tomatoes, cucumbers, cheese and delicious ham and turkey.. “Come and get it!” said Zooba.

As they ate Brenda said, “I guess you don’t need much water for this kind of submarine!” Mary said, “You really were working in the garden.” And the Queen said, with a mouth full of food, “It looks like it was me that bit of more than I could chew!”